What a night. tipsy from drinks... yawn but some reason i cant seem to stay awake.
Its times like this i hate, i go searching through my past for answers to questions again.
whoever said drinking takes away your troubles... *absolute nonsense*

Everytime i search for the answer to that question i feel lost.
Everything thats happened the past year just comes crashing down,
the sensation i feel, i cant describe it. i start hearing voices from my past over and over again.
Reminding me of my faults, my mistakes, my insecurities and the things i abandoned foolishly.
it makes me just want to curl up and cover my head with something...
I search my past trying to find out what made me do those things.
I get a sudden rush of emotions: guilt. sadness. anger. loss. helplessness
But at the end of it all Sudden clarity. always hits me.
i seem to find all the answers...
The things i have achieved, the friends i have, the loves i garnered and threw away so easily...
I dont deserve them.
Im humbled, i hang by head down and let humility sink in.
Im only human.
I look out my window and i wish the darkness would just claim me.

Can i live with this loneliness?

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 11:48 AM