Im tired of it all.
Study Break during cny week stinks.
Cant enjoy the festive season at all.
Boy i yearn to do something fun again.... =D

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 6:55 AM

I havent been myself, ive never really felt the meaning of anything since the start of the year... Its frustrating cause i really dont like feeling this way... A friend i was with recently said: you've changed alot since we last met!, its like theres a wall between you and the world now.
But hasnt there always been one?
since secondary school ive been like this putting on a face so the world wouldnt know im unhappy. That laugh that smile that you all see so often hasnt it always been there since 2004?
So what is she trying to tell me?
That i should remove that facade and let the whole world see my unhappiness? Whats the point in that all? If i let the world see that whats the use?! Will it bring me back my happiness, will it take away my sadness? If it would i'd gladly do it. But until someone proves to me it can... This facade is staying.
Im staring at the sky now and wondering how i let my life become like this.

What if told you i love you. would you help me along this journey?

Wow it feels damn good to write that out. =)

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 3:23 AM

2nd day of the new year, big party as usual, but surprisingly the hongbao intake was pathetic. 5 hongbaos only... sian. spent my time pigging out and crapping with my cousins, drinking beer which sucks like hell. Around 8 plus tried persuading my cousins to go esplanade watch fireworks since its just across the road... those lazy buggers cant bear to leave the place... so ended up watching the fireworks display alone!!! but it really lifted my mood, love looking at fireworks! =) the display was pretty, there was this particular one that burst into many little ones that flew around in random pieces!

Then went bowling, beat all my cousins before we left the party and took bus to play pool at parkway. Got thrashed by my cousin there. out of 10 times i only won once. thats a nice win lost ratio isnt it 9-1. Then we walked to his new house at joo chiat Rd. Then went night cycling... His house is really nice, especially the 3rd floor, though its not completed yet, i can imagine what its gonna look like when its done. Open air roof, imagine *stargazing, BBQ, or just chilling with friends.* green with envy...

Alright tonight im gonna go marts house to gamble! ROAR! wish me luck!

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 9:00 PM

Its chinese new year once again. This year, its not going to be a happy one for me... Firstly couldnt get any rest at all today due to the fact my maid chose the best time to run away. Why do maids love doing things like this. Spent half the day finding her and the other half preparing for dinner. Rushed through dinner and went to the park for a walk around 9. Sat on the bench with my music on. Fell asleep due to my tiredness... sheesh. woke up around 11 plus. Decided to continue walking around the park... i walked till i was practically drenched in sweat. hot humid night.. Went home in the same mood i left my house.
Reached home to find the family playing blackjack and watching soccer. haha, due to certain bad experiences with the game i declined their offer to join and here i am blogging... its time to listen to music and prepare for tomorrow...

Lifes going by in a blur,
wish it would stop to wait for me to make sense of it.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 8:35 AM

Are there times in your life, when the moments just seem to flash by. And you wish with everything that you have that you could make time stop or even slow, but things just dont go your way...
This few days have been like this for me. My train of thoughts just wont stop... sheesh. its like a freakin whirlwind. and my thoughts confuse me so...
Its like things just dont add up at the moment! Then theres this dream i've been having lately. i wake up in a sweat after dreaming of it. its nonsense cause its like i feel this fear of loss, but the problem is i dont know what im losing! why cant we just remember our dreams....
Maybe its the exam stress....

time to just chill. =)

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 7:46 AM

today is seriously so screwed up.... I left the house at 5am... walked around the neighbourhood waiting for the first bus to arrive. Took bus to school and arrived around 615. I was kinda awed by the quiet serene atmosphere in the school. So i just stood at the open area where all the different schools converge upon and stared at the sky. It was beautiful... Then it was down to studying inside Applied Science. Desmond joined me around 710, in the end all the study was not worth it... the damn paper just stunned me. 1st question i could only remember bits and pieces of info. Definitely gonna die for that, thank god the questions progressively became easier for me.... Lets hope i can pass....

Went home to try and get some sleep before dental appointment... But my mum dragged me to the market to do some shopping. Was like a walking zombie there... zzz. Then rushed back bathed, grabbed a few pieces of bread and off to dental appointment! Thank god i brought my ddct notes along to read... I had to wait for quite a long time before my turn came.... Orchard Road was quite crowded by 5. Couples here and there. Some holding stuffed toys some holding flowers... I must have been so out of place, holding my notes and walking... haha.
And then when i was on the bus , i dozed off.. missed my stop, and had to walk all the way home. basket. What a wonderful! day!.... time to get some sleep... waking up in 2 hrs to finish chap 8.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 4:17 AM

I'm tired... been up the night studying for mct. yawn.

Its valentine's day, sure feels weird being alone for once.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 11:48 AM

If i told you i love you
would you believe me?

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 8:43 AM

If i just lay here,
would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 4:41 AM

I smile, I frown,
I laugh, I cry,
I feel happiness, I feel despair,

Im only human...

Yawn, kinda had a restless sleep in a sense i woke up a couple of times sweating! bad dreams i guess, which i cannot remember. But thank goodness i fall back to sleep easily or ill be dead by now.. gotta study finish chapter 6 by today then revise thru presentation notes!

Im gonna be strong and pull thru this week! With two damn term tests! Plus V-days coming! what have u got in store for your special ones!

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 11:27 PM

Hmmm just realised half of yesterday's entry couldnt be seen! Doh!
Spent half the afternoon in hougang with jeremy today, ate lunch, played pool, shopped for stationary and stuff at popular before leaving for home.
haha. So yeah read the story "i Believe you" and i started to think maybe what everyone of us needs is someone to believe in us. Wont the world be a better place?
The stories not bad actually haha once i started to read it i couldnt really stop. The link is in my original blog, Im too lazy to find the link and post it here again =X.
i apologise for my pigginess! *oink*

I wish to understand you, Learn more about you, Obnoxious as it may seem, Vulnerable as it may be , Everything in my heart tells me this, Yearning for you to acknowledge it, Owing it to my heart to let you know,

Using all my wishes left for you to be happy....

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 6:37 AM

I had a really weird dream yesterday night....
I know i woke up in a cold sweat and felt clammy all over.
The feelings so damn shitty i tell you....
must be sleeping for too long...
Dragged myself to get an early morning shower!
Came out feeling fresh but then i started to listenin to music with my headphones plugged in, and i started to slip into a tranquil state of emo-ness.
This person came to my mind all of a sudden.
I dunno why, but yeah its like super funny cause i wouldnt have guessed i would think of this person at all....
Weiirrrrrddddddd....

Ive had many changes in the way i view things recently....
Im more "open" to the way others see things.
Thats good i guess. haha...

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 5:40 AM

Another sleepless night! but im gonna mug so hard tonight i'll have remembered the whole topic on cancer tomorrow! haha!
No point getting only 4 hours plus of sleep... i'll only wake up feeling cranky and irritated! but on the other hand no sleep means ill be cranky and dead tomorrow in school! haha.

Im ready to look forward and live my life,
the way its meant to be lived. =)

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 8:47 AM

Wow things are gonna be difficult for me the next few days.
Lets hope everything goes smoothly ^^
3 nights in a row of mahjong... zzzzz
but its kinda good takes my mind of things.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 9:13 PM

Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me
but today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

-straightjacket feeling-
The All American Rejects.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 3:46 AM

Tired weary so much things left to do.
Next two weeks is gonna be hell, studying and completing all projects. and the two term tests that are coming up. sheez.

I've loved correctly,
but lived my life wrongly.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 10:49 PM