wow. im tired. but theres still about 13 hours more before i can get any sleep. snooze. my dads coming back on friday... prolly to check on how the families doing with me in charge. ^^ haha hope i pass the inspection.

Wearily i trudge down this path
hoping that it takes me to my happiness....
At least im sure that it'll be a walk to remember...
=)

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 9:39 AM

im tired im sick, and i keep missing my med timings... sheez. not good at all...
Feeling stressed up at the moment, and need some time to get my thinking straight... damn valentines day is around the corner. gotta find myself an activity soon!

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 7:29 AM

Just came back from suppering with elson again. had prata!! again.... haha
getting kinda boring but im too lazy to find other food to eat. So im up in my lil cubicle on the 3rd floor staring at the screen, tapping on the keyboard. While he's downstairs sweet talkin his love. Its really cute the way they are really, well she gets jealous about how much time i spend with him. But hey! look on the bright side girl! at least his with a guy and not some other girl =P.
Hope that everything goes well for the both of them...
Im looking forward to being best man. =D

I wonder whether this saying is true.

When you find your true love,
you become whole.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 8:34 AM

thank god it was just a bacterial infection. Im super relieved now... anxiety almost all gone. Now i can fully concentrate on clearing the workload and preparing for the exams. Ive got a new aim! No more skipping lectures from now till the exams are over!
Hmm today was spent at home lazing in the afternoon gambling with jeremy haha. we kinda invented a new game. Time consuming but kinda fun haha. We'll see whats the plan tomorrow... =) hope i rake in the big bucks again ^^

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 6:56 AM

Theres quiz tomorrow, but i cant concentrate.
Im so afraid, so confused.
got a cough that doesnt go away. and when i breathe in deep my lungs hurt.
Should i go for a lung screen?
sigh...

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 3:45 AM

Well what a week of emotions running wild, and studying and preparing for quizes and projects.
But im feeling more relaxed now, getting more sleep already. yupp

Ive finally picked up the pieces and moved on =)

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 5:54 AM

another sleepless night.
im not that strong as you think i am
so stop making it harder for me...
its the first time the tears flow so freely in a long time.
you want me to be happy... so do i.
but its not easy.
Its just so damn difficult...

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 9:26 AM

Jan 24th.
Went to school this morning surviving on an hour or less of sleep... crashed at jems place afer last nights supper. Took a cab back home at 6 bathed and got out of the house again for school...
I wasnt feeling great at all... didnt feel like talking and the lack of sleep really making me disorientated and drowzy. thank goodness todae wasnt a long day of school.
After mbio lab i headed over for lunch at ITAS. Had laksa which of course wasnt nice. but well ive kinda lowered my standards at that place. Dont think its ever gonna improve, we all thought charmaine was returning my jacket but in the end it ended up with pearlyne. So she wasnt exactly happy that we made her miss abit of her lesson... sorry! ^^ took a bus home. and just crashed after a bath... yawn... tired. now its 10 and im supposed to be studying my bpharm, but taking a little break at the moment...

Im beginning to see the light of things now.
Life goes on with or without her in my life.
This are times i really treasure my friends.
What would i do without them... <3.

Time to step up and start studying! ciao~

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 5:47 AM

im torn inside.
After I've built myself back together piece by piece, ready to face the world again.
I Now feel that im crumbling, losing myself again.
Why? Cause i love her. I miss her.
She was the first. But looks like she wont be the last. If I had a say she'd be the one, just that im not ready at the moment.
Guess things were just not meant to be.
Its just sad.

Flashback 2004*
I still remb the day we met at the chalet.
i found u irritating, noisy and a nuisance at first. But after captains ball u were kinda fun.
Leaving the chalet that night... i thought well im never gonna see her again.
But 1 fine day i got her no. from my dear friend brent...
and i asked her out, she said yes.
We agreed to meet at 1230 she showed at 2.... we ate at wok and talk. at novena square. zy was with us. we went out a few more times. and started getting closer.
The nights on the phone, till 5am. talking like there was no tomorrow. then putting down the phone and getting ready for school.
taking mc's together. and spending the rest of the day with each other.
Then came the day. i told her with a whispered voice, I think im falling for you.
she said i think i am too...
The night 23rd july. we went for the mshs concert. i held your hand then inside.
flor and shijie were poking fun at us. but i cherished that moment, the supper at chomp chomp,where we stole away to withdraw money and we held hands again. pass midnight i fetched u home in a cab, u lay on my shoulder the very first time. u smelt so good that night... i still remember... i still have the ticket stub of that night... we sat at the park. and it became official. we were together.
The times we spent together were great you made such an impact on my life. i wouldnt be the man i am today without you.
You gave me a second chance. but i just wasnt ready. and now it seems i wont be so lucky as to get another try...
So let me say this 1 last time: "I Love You".
you were my friend, lover and companion. ill never forget you.
Goodbye.
Its time to move on with my life.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 7:46 AM

well what can i say... saturday was a day and night of gambling.
Like 7 rounds of mahjong... phew. from 1 in the afternoon to like 8 plus the next day... crazy.
Dinner at some Tung Lok restaurant to celebrate nicks going into the army! burned like 40 dollars away... *sizzle* But everyone had a great time catching up and fooling around. come to think of it we were quite the roudy bunch. haha.

watched the manu game against arsenal. bloody waste of time!!! argghh.... hate it when they lose.

im really happy for her that she seems to have someone to take care of her now...
Shes happy... thats all i can ask for.
Now when will i ever find happiness again?
haha who knows leave it to destiny i guess....

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 10:52 AM

January 18th.

Yikes so today im feeling so much more at ease now. Though sometimes i still think how i ever let my emotions control me. Ive never been like this before poly. Wonder what other surprises poly holds in store for me.
Due to my insomnia, ive been really really such a pain in the ass for some people... i apologise for that. Im just that teeeni weeeni bit crazier during times like this. Lets just hope i dont become dependant on the sleeping pills. And i get easily irritated during this period too so outburst and public display of irritation and anger are common and i apologise in advance for the people who will be affected by it...

okae. ive tried to change the damn blog skin, but it keeps telling me error blah blah blah. nonsense crap shit. damn new blogger. pissing me off even more! rahhh! and finally we finished our ddct project. I hope we pass.. martin and i have become slaves to the damn thing the past few days. These past few days has shown me many things, that i use too many vulgarities! so i shall cut down starting from tomorrow. to be observant of the language i use. its gonna be difficult... i already tried today but there are just some situations where swearing becomes part and parcel of it already. but its all aboout self control and determination!!!!

i feel like im neglecting the other blog and writing more shit here instead. haha. poor randallintheworld. but thats where the happy thoughts are. along with all the nonsense that i pretend to feel. theres a distinctive difference in my mood when im blogging for both blogs. I feel so much more "at home" typing here.

zzzz im hungry but its already 11 and theres no food at home.
i cant pig out tonight.... sian.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 6:44 AM

17th January, its been going on since last week now. Everynight i cant seem to sleep, Tossing turning even the musics not helping anymore... sigh.
On an average i get about 3-4 hours of sleep a day. i can feel the strain my body cant take it anymore...
alright so today i got called by Dr Lim during his lecture and i gave a totally stupid answer cause i didnt have anything to refer to. damn. Had 3 hours of Mbio today, long tiring lab.
Went for Bpharm after that and we went to des house to play mahjong. I just couldnt concentrate after losing abit and entered a spiral of losing. shit. ended up losing the most. damn.
Im thinking of which person am i gonna tell that this blog exists. Who knows maybe ill just end up writing then deleting it. yawn. dumb right?
Im feeling more and more emo as the days go by, but its okae. ive dealt with this before.
V-day's coming closer. and im gonna spend my first valentines alone. Haha sharifah said:" Aiya go find la! sure got people want to go out with you lah!" haha.. maybe i wanna be alone this year. since ive already passed new year and christmas.... whats another special occasion?

Emo'd at 10:29. time for some reading.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 6:20 AM

Well this is my first post for this blog...
kinda dumb really to post something online like this, but i just need a place to express how i feel. No one i know will probably ever see this blog but hey. thats the funny way i am. i do the dumbest things at times.
So 16th january.
What can i say, I'd say i really lack a direction in life at the moment. Im feeling really lost, and i dunno where to go. I wish i had someone to turn to to listen to me and not be prejudiced. There are people i can really talk to like Elson, Jeremy, brent, Zhenyang. my buddies i would say. But thats the real me people. i dun really open up. Im not good at expressing myself and if i had a choice i'd choose to be quiet and emo every single day. But that wouldn be fair to the people around me now would it... so i choose to wake up everyday and put on this facade. The bubbly joyous guy you know is really a tormented shattered soul inside. And right now more then ever i feel distraught.

Some things that have happened in my life over the past few months. Ive let Isabel down. yes. I know we tried but at the end of the day i know its me. really. it hurts so much for me to be writing this now. I miss you. you were someone i could talk to also. but i know its over things wil never be, how i wish things could be different.

Im trying to change, for starters its smoking...

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 6:18 AM