Somehow i feel it.
There's no reason to feel this way,
strangely i do.
A gut feeling.
Somehow or rather i feel it happening already.

I cant change who i am.
Im not guilty of anything.
Trust me, like i have done with you.

Let's see whether the countdown begins now.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 11:45 PM

After tomorrow, it will be 7 days before home.
Finally it seems like forever... Home Sweet Home.
Its been too long.
I miss everthing.
Time cant go by faster.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 1:47 AM

Finally get a chance to post an entry, ive come back to base camp for a short break yet again moving off in 2 hrs. Yawn. tiring i tell you. I thought it was cold enough in the tent at night. Until i braved the elements in the wee hours..... Write back soon....


And as i lay me down tonight, i close my eyes and what a beautiful sight..
Sleeping to dream about you.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 9:05 PM

These few weeks. hmmmm.
Its hard to put a specific tag on how i've been feeling. Its been the usual highs, lows, ups, downs.
Mostly downs, probably cause as the days/weeks go by the australia exercise is coming closer.
I'd cheer for the overseas oppurtunity, but some of us here know just how "excited" i am bout leaving sunny singapore for the australian outback for 35 days with the army.

Ain's party, the clubbing. Well... It was an experience. Hitting the clubs and totally not enjoying myself. Thats a first for me, well down right depressed more or less sums up the night.
Has it really only been a week? shiat man. It feels like forever has passed, yet another thing to thank the army for. Making 5 measily days seem like an eternity. Well done you.
Ah well, tomorrow will be a better day right!?!? right?!?!?! yes it will be im sure of it.

Anyways not here to complain, and sob boohoo. Did most of it last week already. I'd be happy Just to drop the occasional whine and complain here though! This weekend major shopping with the family, tons of stuff bought. Yay for me! 500 days of summer at night, followed by supper of macs at cozy bay. Crazy topics, lots of laughs. Random ones at that too...I'm damn lucky to have survived that night. Thank god for the right mix of songs.

Today, i had to run some errands, cut my hair, blah blah blah. Its real, i swear no more long hair for me. Again.

11 days left, the end state. Will i reach it? I don't ask for alot. Just understanding.
I want something thats indefinite. A contradiction maybe. But one hell of a Journey..
A secret inside, lets all wait for May to come.

The thought experiment of Schrodinger's cat.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 4:50 AM

Walk down my path

The first post since pre-thailand. That fateful day.
In one normal day, I made a decision. Regretted it, threw my pride out the window.
Gained nothing back. Nothing.
Lost love.
Refused to wallow in my self-pity.
Looking back I did nothing wrong.
The first few days. Fell to pieces, confused, hurt, sad, empty.
I used to be love drunk, but now i'm hungover
I loved you forever but now its over.
One hell of a goodbye.

Its not easy, to get up and go. But I have to...
Things may have changed, but it only serves as a wake up call.
The reality of the past 6months or so.
Being taken for granted. Hurts.
So I'll get up & go, take a chance & be strong.
Take a breath move on along.
Its really not easy. But it has to be done.

The signs were there, it should have ended in June.
I foolishly chose to hang on. To hang on desperately to a failing hope.
The biggest fool on earth. you or me. Definitely not me.
The time i wasted on you, the bullshit you put me through.
Why? I've been asked. Why choose to be this way.
You're only going to get hurt. And hurt i did feel....
Through all thats happened, I still stand by my belief
If you don't give it your all, you can never expect the same.
Its worth the hurt. I keep telling myself that. =)

To prevent my mind from wandering i keep myself busy.
I need to be alone. For how long. I'm not sure. A day, month, year? who knows.
Decisions to make for my future. I'll prove you wrong. This i swear.
Melbourne or Singapore.
There's not much time left to figure it out.
I'm coming undone piece by piece.

Is two better then one?
I don't know so much about that for now.
But i do know i owe you my friends.
For pulling me out of mire.
Making me smile for another day.
A million thanks would not suffice.
The phone calls, the talks, the walks, for everything.

From today, I start to live again.
Close the chapter & start a new one.

Randall,

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 7:04 AM

Wish i was Henry,
Then i could go back to the good old days.

See you all 3 weeks later!
Hello THAILAND!

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 12:36 AM

Help me.
Who can i turn to.
I'm torn up inside.

Compared to friendship, gold is dirt. .
- 4:50 AM